True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
