Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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