I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
