Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize