just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
