I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So much rum. So many feels.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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