you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
