WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We have started to decorate penises.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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