I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
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So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
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I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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