My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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