Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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