Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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