I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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