Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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