He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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