Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
