That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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