We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
