she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
