yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
