I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
