I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
