so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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