Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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