Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
