Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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