if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
