You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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