For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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