I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She's the barista slut.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
