Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
