Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
