I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
