I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
