everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
