Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
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if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
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You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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