I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
