I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
