If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
