i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
