there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I want her autograph on my taint
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
