im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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