I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I AM VODKA MAN
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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