If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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