hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
