Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
