Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
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i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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