theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
