It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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