That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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