everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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