happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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