your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
