Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
