i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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