Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
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If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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