Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
