apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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