So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
