Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Pappa wants mamma naked
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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