You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
