Where is the hickey?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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