No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
