rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
