i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
