I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The air was thick with penises
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
