They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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