Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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