I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
