my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
