Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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