Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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