smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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