he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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