We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
