Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
what day is it and did you see me today?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
