Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
