i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He better not be in your backpack
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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