3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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