I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
there was a trapeze. enough said
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
