Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
