I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
