Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
