I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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