dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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