i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
