If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
