I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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