someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Randomize
